I see them giggle. Cheeks flushed with bright pink. The love in their eyes is too unbearable. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t stand and watch for any longer. My stomach churns and I feel light headed. I see her joyful eyes. And her beautiful smile. Except I wasn’t the one receiving those detailed features. It was him. She was in love with him. Not me. It was never me. Always him.
I’ve always been on the sidelines as I watched them run through the track field. Two soft hands, holding each other for support.
Stay. Stay with me. I'm so tired, and ill. Dying from this sickening feeling. Why am I in love with you? No matter how hard I try to distance my heart from yours, I always bring myself back to square one. Maybe it's your eyes. Or the way you refuse to give up on anything. I don’t know. Actually I’ve never known exactly why my heart flutters whenever you're near. When did it start? All I’ve ever wanted is to be with you. Only you. I can live for a million years with your love for me.
Now I’m crumbling away. Not entirely. Bit by bit. Not physically. Mentally. My heart throbs. It's going to break like glass soon enough. I just wonder when. When will my heart set me free from this unconditional pain?
I’ve never meant for my feelings to go this far.
How long am I supposed to last in this battle between me and my heart? My heart beats like cars going on several speed bumps. I want to be allowed to love her. Why won’t you let me? This world is so cruel.
They’re indeed perfect for eachother. I can’t deny that fact even if I wanted to. It was the truth. The truth I couldn’t handle. I’m happy for her. Really. I am. But if I could even have the chance to be in his place, nevermind. Forget it. Forget me. Forget all of these uneasy feelings. Forget us.
I’m so sorry I can’t genuinely be glad you found the love of your life. You walked out on me for someone else. Someone significantly better. I get it. I just can’t accept it yet. I'm trying to overcome this weakness. It's not working and I doubt it ever will.
You meant everything to me. Worth more than the whole world. I want you to be happy but I can’t keep this act up. It's getting impossible.
My breath gets uneven everytime I think of you. I’ve always told myself that I loved you. And you loved me. I guess I was wrong.
Maybe in another life I’ll be the one to hold you. The one and only. My head is pounding. I feel like throwing up all of my affection for you.
I want this pain to end. Love is so beautiful. Just like in the movies. So why is this different? Why can’t I live in a dream world? Where I could be with you, for as long as we chose. I know I’ll have to move on but I just can’t. You were always different from the rest. You stood out like the brightest and biggest star in the galaxy. I could spot you from far away. You made me feel things I’ve never felt. You cereased my palms with your soft fingers and pinched my cheeks so lovingly.
But I wasn’t whom you loved. I never will be.
They say you’ll get over your first love as long as you find someone else to hold at night. Hold close but not dearly.
When I wake up everyday, I want it to be with you right next to me. You push yourself into my life. With your soft smiles and kind words.
I guess I’m not the only one you’ve said those things too. Not the only one you’ve acted so tenderly with.
I keep lying to myself.
Telling everyone that I would get over you in a split second.
But that split second...is where I fall in love with you all over again.
I can’t help myself. You’re too perfect.
Perfect for him.
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